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Sy, on Sy
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Introduction
Beliefs are a funny thing. On the one hand they are replicable and transmittable in the form of concepts like theology. On the other hand they are intimate and overwhelming and seem to defy logic and language.
The idea of my writing my beliefs really is a silly one. Not only are most of my beliefs so personal as to not be recordable, but they are somehow ever-so-slightly different from those of others are to make me feel foolish to speak of them. Really, though, everyone with a soul has individual beliefs, even if they were just subsumed from pieces of somebody else's beliefs. Everyone of any worth wants to understand themselves and their relationship with others and the Universe. These people want to feel important, included and necessary. Perhaps I am speaking of a primarily male perspective, though.
Public Beliefs
My beliefs are time and mood-dependant. They are also audience-dependant. They ebb and flow and mutate depending on various circumstances. In a sense this is a form of noncommital hesitation. This is the public face of my beliefs.
I believe that one must be firm in one's faith in one's beliefs enough to have some confidence in their correctness, but that one must also be open to the beliefs of others. An opposing belief should be thought of merely as a challenge to learn. Something which differs strongly from something you hold dear offers an opportunity to strengthen or evolve one's understanding of one's dear opinion. Such opposition grants an excellent chance to see how realistic or right-feeling one's beliefs truly are. I hate the expression because at it's core it's wrong, but perhaps it applies here; "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Possibly variations on "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" could also apply.
I am completely against argument, especially heated argument. One must be comfortable with those one discusses such personal things with. Both parties must see that a discussion is a means of learning, discovery and most importantly self-improvement. I frequently participate as a devil's advocate in order to present an alternate viewpoint. Building on this, I'll add that a raised voice does nothing to sway one's partner. Anger does not promote learning and understanding. Don't be a sophist in arguing, be forgiving and nurturing in being a mentor and mentee in a dialogue.
Hold dear to the value of self-justification, but hold dearer to the value of the need for self-correction. Although the purity of justifying and arguing one's actions is noble, the option to self-correct is necessary for future wholesomeness. Can one be wrong when one is self-justified? Surely yes can be the answer, but being correct is not a matter of self-justification, it is a matter of the openness for self-correction.
"I am what I am near" is a phrase I have used a number of times. Quite literally my disposition and even parts of my ethics are mutable and shift according to the winds I pick up from the environment I'm in. The people I'm with subtly and sometimes overtly influence me. I'm quite aware of this and enjoy it immensely, seeing it as an opportunity for additional perspectives.
Because of this sensitivity, I simply do not enter into certain environments or 'hang out' with certain people. Sure, I can take it.. but if I'm in a bad mood I want to be in a supportive and stress-free environment. Hanging out in a distracted environment with closed-minded people is a sure way to piss me off.
At any rate, what I'm trying to express is that I'm quite an easy guy to be around. All kinds of people find me very easy to get along with, although I'm talkative about certain things more with certain audiences than with others. People I myself tend to be uneasy around often find that I'm out of the way but still cool. Certain people of what I would call a 'compatible personality' are immediately drawn to me. All in all, anyone who ever spends some time with me loves me -- to some degree or other, since as with people, there are many kinds and passions of love. Certain people find that I remind them of someone they respect or love. I remind people of others they find comforting or relaxing to be around.
When it comes to people, I just let my instincts kick in. I try to be polite and unthreatening, calm and respectful, helpful and as out-of-the-way as I can be. Often, my public beliefs step aside to aid the comfort around and understanding of others. If in doubt, I shut up and let other people lead.
Theology and Faith
Fullfillment/contentment in life is one of the great drives, and for many people over many years, theology has been the way to go. A beaten path is easier to follow. Taking advice and learning from the experiences of another are tools which guide the user to greater success and better-justified actions. It could be said that a strong belief is a very necessary component of fulfilled and justified life.
Lifestyle is not equal to religion, but to personal belief. Belief is not religion.
For others, my beliefs on theology are probably the most cause for concern. I loathe it. I despise the concept of wholly committing onesself to beliefs as derived from an outside source. It's one matter to take pieces of a religion as good advice, and yet another to blindly follow, ON FAITH, things which one has absolutely no spiritual connection to. Faith is not a matter of throwing away instinct and intelligence. The purity of Faith, as committed to something blindly, is somehow soiled. It is an idea which is pure and innocent, not something used to justify the adoption of someone else's beliefs.
One should never have to say "I do and believe this because I have faith". One should instead say that one's beliefs are so personal, deep and complex that Faith is merely a good word to describe the reasoning, but isn't the reasoning. Faith is what is left when reasoning has run it's course, not when you leave the path of reason.
I, however, have great respect for intelligent and eloquent people who have strong theological beliefs. I quietly believe that they're selling short a true potential, but because it is an active decision which is reinforced and reaffirmed even under contention and they feel a /rightness/ for it, I'm happy for them. I'm often more comfortable around those who are well-seated in their beliefs, especially if I can discuss them at length to aid in my own understanding of both their and my own perspective.
Some people enjoy "belonging" to any particular belief system (religious or other) because they are then able to wear this belief system like a badge or uniform or sorts -- In a sense this borrowing of a belief system allows them to wear the clothing manufactured by another. This is not necessarily to say that these persons do not have their own belief system, nor is it to say that they may not wholly believe in the system they wear, it it more to say that these people somehow require the name of the belief and the powers which this nameholding may give: the support of others, the history of the name, &c.
I said something like this some time ago.. [1]
- Pascal said, do you choose to believe, or do you choose not to believe? If you choose to believe, you have nothing to lose, but if you choose not to believe, what are you really going to get? That's Pascal's Wager, and that should be taught in kindergarten.
Belief and Procedure
One other thing which I find to be a distasteful curiosity is the idea of "living for one's beliefs" through procedure. I respect the necessity of the unEnlightened to commit themselves to routine in order to redouble their efficacy as citizens. However, I always hold dear the hope that such acts could be made obsolete, and that each person can find and maintain their personal muse without selling themselves to procedure.
On the other hand, the idea of procedure as integrated into an Enlightened perspective can be made to be an extraordinarily powerful tool. I myself have found strength in committing my actions to procedure in order to 'line up' my thoughts and make myself more clear and my purpose more focused.
So, I suppose my belief here is that procedure is a tool best used for clarity of introspection and not for reinforcement of belief.
Common Knowledge and Stupids
There are things which I consider universally obvious. Things which everyone has access to. For this reason, I can seem pretty callous around some people who I consider to be "stupid" because they seem, to me, to ignore that which is obvious to me.
Syncretism
More and more often these days, I'm coming to believe that many beliefs and ideas have underlying relations. Not directly, mind you, but that somehow things are more related than can be seen at a glance.
All paths lead to the mountaintop.
Private Beliefs
Underlying my public face is a fairly rigid set of beliefs. As mentioned earlier, these are created by a sort of trial-and-error understanding of the nature of the universe as modified by my experience with the opinions of others. They are subject to change, but at this point it requires some significantly enlightened conversation for me to fully absorb another viewpoint.
Generally speaking, this stuff is really hard to describe. It's so personal as to defy expression. My 'personal language', the language I use for introspection, isn't the same as what others use. It's not easy to discuss ideas which, in many cases, don't (yet?) have words.
I study from the body of knowledge of all kinds of sciences, philosophies, histories and cultures looking for little snippets of 'words' which I can use. In some cases, I rather enjoy reading on the beliefs which are founded in other languages. They have words which describe very weighty concepts. English is selfless in that it absorbs other words without care of 'diluting' itself. It really is the international language, although I wish it weren't because it's so damned subtle and obfuscated half of the time. Just how in hell do others learn english? It must be such a nightmare.
See also: Language and Confusion with English.
So, I'll attempt to do the impossible, which is to describe my private beliefs and their underlying reasoning.
Objectification
All things which may be sensed may be objectified. In one sense (pun intended), I treat all things and all people the same.
As with Animism, I believe very strongly that objects are empowered. My particular viewpoint is that observation brings empowerment. Anything which is paid attention to becomes more important in the world. In a literal sense, it's easy to understand that if someone loves something that it is special to them in their lives. I abstract this, and define anything which has had significant amounts of love felt towards it becomes awake and alive and participates in The Flow of the world.
Things, those which are available to the senses, are nameable. Once named, we strive to come to a greater understanding of them. We identify actions, relations and purposes. They matter. They dwell on our minds and in our hearts.
Manufacture and Purpose
Objects that are manufactured are fated to a purpose for existance. Attention has been paid to them to have meaning and rightness in the world. They don't just come into existance and get swept up in the flow of the universe to find meaning once wielded by something else. Their components are designated and destined to be combined to make something which is birthed into the world with a passion, a meaning and a reason.
This is a difficult thing to explain, so I'll revisit this when I have some clarity on the subject.
Knowledge and Purpose
Knowledge is parasitic. It breathes and grows in us, and passes from person to person as if it had some sort of meaning. People are lured by the deep history the lifespan of knowledge has. They come to respect it as though pressured by all of it's past, current and future keepers.
Knowledge is something to be adopted and adapted as one and one's situations deem fit. It is to be picked up and used as a tool and then put down when the work is done. Its purpose is not found in its existance but in its use and potential use.
Information
Information is obviously disposable knowledge. I think of it as a tool to be organized and kept.. something to be reined in and saved for later. I think of it as having a vast and unknowable potential.
Perhaps herein lies one of my failings. The budhists would speak of my spirit being ever-hungry. I collect information, sometimes randomly, and organize it even when I don't have an obvious use for the information. I build potential this way. In a sense I like burying nuts like a squirrel. When properly directed this desire of mine can become extraordinarily useful, just look around at this site.
Fate and Luck
See Praying to the dice, and the worship of luck
I believe that every little thing has purpose when observed. I don't believe in coincidence, I believe in fate. Every gust of wind, every drop of rain has a reason.
Luck is fate. Something which has a small chance of happening, which happens.. was always going to happen.
The Way and The Path
See The Path
Similar to my beliefs in objects having purpose and luck being fate, I believe that a person can sense out one's own little river in The Flow. I belive that a person can attune themselves to things to make their actions more right in the world and more fateful.
I believe that a person is not bound to fate, but because of observation and decisions can alter their own and the fate of others.
Filtered Attention
All things pass into the senses through a filter. That filter may be thought of as a bias created by one's life-experiences, skills, attention and wishes. That filter exists because in day-to-day life, the mind would be overwhelmed by fullness of any one action when contrasted from and compared to all of one's knowledges and instincts. Basically speaking, there is a filtering-out of 'irrelevance'. This filtering action helps one concentrate more on the 'useful' and less on the 'inconsequential'.
This filter, however, is imperfect. "You can't teach an old dog new tricks" is a phrase I would cite. Stubbornness, ignorance, callousness and other such ideas are challenges to the purity of this filter concept. Relevancy may be filtered out, and one may be silently deafened to an idea if one's filter is set against it.
With purest and most innocent sincerity as instincts in action and with very serious mindfulness in inaction, I have learned to wear this filter with great pride in its abilities. Yes, I have a terrible time "spacing out" when this process is less effective, but when I am attentive and interested in conversation I wield impactful eloquence. This is why I adore the written word, as it gives me the time to draw out eloquence from the infinite well of the universe.. or something. =)
This filter has had mixed results. I already noted the "spacing out" which can happen. I have also found myself deafened, in a sense, in situations where a person will make a side comment.. perhaps a joke, which I "won't get". This attentiveness to the filtering process makes me generally slow in my attention, but it makes me surprizingly Aware. I have developed better than 20/20 hindsight, where the tinyest side-comment will impact on me a week, a month, even twenty years later.
Focus and Overfocus-Filtering
Generally I have access only to those memories and thoughts which are appropriate to my current environment. This is focus. I suppose this is bred from a regimented mindset, where I tend to over focus and specialize my thoughts to improve efficacy for mulling over extraordinarily complex topics. Basically, 'irrelevancies' are silently filtered.
I'll relate an interesting story. I was making myself a pretty boring snack, boiling some noodles and pouring myself a drink. At the time, I was pretty deep in thought.. pacing back and forth between spurts of writing to refocus my mind. I walked over to where I stash a case of sodapop and got one. I deliberatly opened it and poured it like I had so many times before.. I sad the cup down and calmly crushed the can.. walked out my front door to put it in the recycle bin. I then walked in, and walked into my kitchen thinking "Mmm, I'm a bit thirsty, I should get myself a drink." As I entered the kitchen, I saw the drink and thought. "Oh! That was considerate of me!" The mindset I was in during the ritual of snack-making didn't imprint memories in the face of the thoughts I was deeply entertaining.
This overfocus-filtering can get really wierd. I've had moments when I realise that there was a moment when I had no memories of a sense. I've literally gone deaf for a moment when my mind ignores that piece of me. I've gone for walks and I'll become so comfortable that I won't remember crossing the street. Thankfully this isn't common, happening maybe once a year and never for more than a moment. Most disressingly I've had this happen while conversing at a party. My brain takes a nap, I guess. Bleh.
Overfocus allows me to completely absorb and specialize in a topic in an extraordinarily short amount of time. Unfortunately, the side effect is that unlearning will happen with similar rapidity. I'll get into that in a bit.
Hindsight, Foresight and Filtering
Filtered attention is something which I apply in hindsight. Most specifically, in coming to understand something anew, I will apply my newfound understanding back on my entire timeline of memories. I will revisit all of the relevant events and pass them through my new filter. This process isn't exactly persuable.. it just happens. Every time a piece of me is drawn force while acting in the real world, that piece.. those memories, ideas and wishes will be passed through the new filter as if they were new experiences being filtered before getting to me.
This process makes a weighty conversation of extraordinary impact to me. It also means that since I'm an exceptionally introspective and analytical person, that weighty conversations are rare and precious.
This hindsight re-examination can get really freaky. Not only do old memories come under evaluation, but things which may not have been impactful or which may have been filtered out in the past will suddenly be flagged with relevance and adopted and examined anew. This is getting rarer as I grow older, but it does happen sometimes. Perhaps the rarity has to do with my being more aware in maturity. Or maybe not.
Unlearning
For me, knowledge sits in a wide sieve. I dump whatever I need to into it, and unless it is replenished it will trickle out as the filter acts upon it with greater strength over time. I've found that in about three times the length of time it takes for me to learn something I will compeltely un-learn it. Sure, something which is unlearned may become markedly easier to re-learn later because I have leftover impressions, but only when I'm within an appropriate mindset and environment. I embrace the reality that something which is unlearned may never come back, so I treat experiences as being precious and few.
